An Excerpt From, THE NATURAL PARENT-Rearing Adults HANDBOOK
"No, My Foot Will Remain on the Brakes"
What is this mess about reasoning and talking, and teaching your child how to make their own decisions? They're infants, toddlers, preschoolers, for God's sake. Are you out of your freaking mind? I'm going to have to come right out and tell you something your mom should have told you, "You are doing it wrong." First of all you are not raising your child to grow up and be a child, teach them so they can be productive adults.
What is it they used to say? The mind is a terrible think to waste? Hell freaking yeah, it is. The mind is a lethal weapon, a force larger than a 2000 pound automobile, a mass of confusion so real, the Bermuda triangle has nothing on how lost the wrong actions can make you, and yet these parents hand over the control, as if they are passing out popsicles in the desert.
All I can say is, you're making a mess of things, stop. A young child has as much capability to reason as they have ability to stop that popsicle from melting in the heat.
All I can say is, you're making a mess of things, stop. A young child has as much capability to reason as they have ability to stop that popsicle from melting in the heat.
Before You give that control of reason to a child, you need, and I stress this with loud and great emphasis, you need to establish a foundation of authority.
You buckle the car seat, who cares if they can do it themselves, it's a safety issue. Besides, who has time to argue with a preschooler who refuses to buckle and you're in a rush?
You buckle the car seat, who cares if they can do it themselves, it's a safety issue. Besides, who has time to argue with a preschooler who refuses to buckle and you're in a rush?
You have last say in choice of the clothes to wear. They can make a suggestion, but you lay the red carpet. Again, who has time to argue with a preschooler who decides she wants to dress in shorts in 40% weather?
You decide what's for breakfast, lunch, dinner...health reasons. You can't just shrug and say, she decided she didn't want to eat.
For the sake of tiny baby Jesus in a manger, quit giving the child the last decision, let him/her make suggestions, but the final choice has to be yours or you are writing a plan for war and disaster. Honestly, if you do it with respect, the child will learn the way to make right, healthy, safe choices and not spur of the moment decisions.
You need to make sure that child realizes, he/she may be behind the wheel, but you have your foot on the brakes, you own the key and they go nowhere without you providing the fuel or otherwise, when that child hits four or five years old, you will be hit with the tantrums and bad behavior as uncontrollable as a monsoon in a broom closet. The damage will be damn near irreparable.
You'll find yourself struggling through your own mental torture of wanting to be the sweet, complacent , hands off parent, the hell yeah- I'm the boss of you and this house parent, while fighting not to be physically abusive because you can't get your young child to calmly agree with anything you suggest- especially while standing in the middle of a supermarket aisle or at the corner of the street, waiting to walk across traffic.
And if you don't fix the monster you've created, the rest of your life will be one argument after another, year after year, after year- until they grow up and have children of their own.
So, ask yourself, while you're looking in the face of that newly born person, what foundation will I build?
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